Zombie 2

A zombie, as it appears in the Resident Evil video game series.

Zombies are an imaginary menace that many a dingus is preparing for, but will never actually happen. There are numerous books, websites, movies, and other commerical ventures designed to relieve these misguided man-children of their money. Personally, I wouldn't mind having a time machine, so I can go forward in time a few years to a point when this whole zombie fad is over, and I can watch movies, TV shows, and the news without producers trying to push zombies into everything.

A zombie is a victim of a virus (usually called, the "T-virus"). The virus radically alters a person's appearance and nervous system to a point that the person is considered dead, becomes a vehicle for the virus to spread. Then the virus takes over a person's neural network to attack and infect anyone who isn't already infected. In this way, the symptoms of zombiehood are somewhat similar to that of hydrophobia (rabies), however, a zombie will continue bodily activities until it reaches an advanced state of putrefaction.

The Zombie ApocalypseEdit

The Zombie Apocalypse is a theoretical event for which every zombie enthusiast is preparing. The event is characterized by a sudden boom in the zombie population, usually brought about by a highly infectious virus which radically transforms it's host into a vehicle for infection. Due to how rapidly the disease spreads, the vast majority of the population finds itself infected, leaving a few holdovers that fight back against the zombie menace using creative means. Holdovers act under the assumption that there is no cure for the zombie virus, so that anyone who is infected will shortly join the zombie horde within hours or even minutes of their infection.

Preferable weaponsEdit

There is much discussion as to which weapons would be preferable if a zombie apocalypse were to occur. Here are a few examples, with a few of the benefits and disadvantages involved:

  • Shotgun - A zombie that loses it's head won't get back up, so a shotgun would be very effective. On the minus side, shotguns are very loud, and could attract the attention of every zombie in the area. Also, zombies tend to come in numbers, so firing off one shot and then taking a few seconds to reload may not be a good idea.
  • Handgun - Less powerful than the shotgun, but with the advantage of being able to fire off more rounds before reloading. However, handguns are loud, even with a "silencer", so you may attract more zombies.
  • Chainsaw - Just about every zombie survivalist considers giving it a try, but it's generally not a good idea, as they tend to run out of fuel before you want them to. They're noisy, but not as bad as guns. Chainsaws don't rip through flesh as easily as one would imagine, and zombies aren't deterred by pain. In short, the most traditional zombie apocalypse weapon is probably the worst choice.
  • Katana - Stylish and lightweight, katanas are very sharp and will make short work of most any zombie. On the minus side, you have to get pretty close to use them, which is dangerous. Your reflexes have to be pretty good, even against a slow enemy like a zombie, as you must avoid being infected. However, katanas are very quiet, so you won't draw attention to yourself.
  • Taser - A zombie may not respond to pain, but an electrical current will still disable it's central nervous system. However, you run the risk of it being able to recover. A taser is a risk, as it requires that you get close, and there's still no telling for sure how a zombie will react to being tasered. Until someone actually tries it.
  • Grenades - If you're a considerable distance from your target or have some obstacle between you and them, a grenade can take out a zombie with relative ease. You may even be able to take out a crowd of them.
  • Land mines - If you have them, put them to use. Zombies won't even consider them, so don't get too clever when it comes to hiding them. Just be sure that any fellow holdovers are aware of their placement.
  • Flamethrower - Admit it, you just chuckled at least a little. Well, don't consider using them on zombies. Zombies don't feel pain, so by setting them on fire, you'll likely end up making them more dangerous to you. However, if you've isolated a few zombies to a structure, you may consider using a flamethrower to sacrifice the structure to take a few zombies out.
  • Tank - If you had one of these, you'd be pretty well off. It's an armored vehicle with a cannon mounted on it. If you have one of these right now, it's probably taking quite a bit to fight the temptation to take it for a spin right now, and proclaim yourself the king of the road.
  • Tactical nuke - Not all of us have one of these on hand. Those of us that do can take out a fair share of zombies. Method of delivery is up to you.

Workplace zombiesEdit


A cubicle. Workplace zombies typically station themselves here.

In a manner of speaking, there are already zombies among us. The one's being referred to in this instance are called "workplace zombies". Not infected by a virus, this is a name given to a category of individual who has decided to forgo the development of their career, and decided to plateau at their current level of personal success. This type of man barely shows signs of life as he lumbers into work, performs the bare essentials of his function in the workplace, and lumbers off once his shift is over. This is a cycle that continues non-stop for that individual, or at least until they decide that they're fed up, they become motivated to do something more meaningful with their lives, and they effectively shed their zombiehood.